Well, here I am I can't decide what to write about because I thought of a few things throughout the afternoon that I wanted to write about on here but now I don't really remember. It's kind of weird that had was just sitting here thinking of things I want to write about. That's how I spend alot of my time I think and it's not a very good thing. I sit somewhere and plan something I'm about to do, but then it's too late. Like today, after physical therapy I had to walk the dogs but I waited a while to do that and I wanted to go to yoga but I never did. Today was a very nice day for me and I thank my mom for that because I slept in until 11.30. I guess I was pretty tired from the three tests i had yesterday so i felt refreshed, but now i'm starting to get tired again. I wish I wasn't so lazy and tired sometimes or got tired so quickly. I wonder about physiological things sometimes and I wonder if my body has all the right chemical balances and if I get all the right nutrients, well i take my vitamins so that should cover that. but, yea I still wonder why I get tired so quickly, and when someone says don't be tired, I can't really help it. It is weird how I am so curious about so many things but I can be sometimes lazy and not have lust for life and be reluctant to go to school. I guess that school could be better, maybe if we actually did something interesting rather than talking about it.

This is something I thought of while writing. In LA we saw the movie of the play "The Death of a Salesman" The main character Willy Loman, he annoyed me so much. I hate how his lips sort of quiver when he is about to speak and he is pretty self centered. I hated how he wanted his son to be a certain way. That's because his whole life, he dreamed of being a popular salesman and having everyone love him and have fame. He dreamed of his son being the same way. I guess he was kind of naive and actually believed a little bit that he was the popular salesman. but when he realized that his son was just not that man, and that he wasnt that man he couldnt take it anymore and killed himself. But anyway, Willy sort of imagined his life different than it really was. I think I do this sometimes and it is terrible. I do it with many instances. I do it with a guy. I imagine he is one of my good friends or something or that we are closer friends than we are and I wish we were but idk. I would like to know him better but he usually doesnt talk that much. I do it with my future life, I imagine my future being awesome having a beach house on an island and having my actualy house be an awesome place in the woods. I imagine traveling all over the world and there are so many places I want to go, but I might be leading myself up for nothing. I guess my case isnt as severe as Willy Lomans, but I do really think i need to stop believing things are different than they really are, that they are the way I want them to be and the way I imagine them. I do it for upcoming events too. I guess this isnt so bad because they are goals in a way, but sometimes I just need to face reality. I wish I could do that better. L,T