Well, here I am I can't decide what to write about because I thought of a few things throughout the afternoon that I wanted to write about on here but now I don't really remember. It's kind of weird that had was just sitting here thinking of things I want to write about. That's how I spend alot of my time I think and it's not a very good thing. I sit somewhere and plan something I'm about to do, but then it's too late. Like today, after physical therapy I had to walk the dogs but I waited a while to do that and I wanted to go to yoga but I never did. Today was a very nice day for me and I thank my mom for that because I slept in until 11.30. I guess I was pretty tired from the three tests i had yesterday so i felt refreshed, but now i'm starting to get tired again. I wish I wasn't so lazy and tired sometimes or got tired so quickly. I wonder about physiological things sometimes and I wonder if my body has all the right chemical balances and if I get all the right nutrients, well i take my vitamins so that should cover that. but, yea I still wonder why I get tired so quickly, and when someone says don't be tired, I can't really help it. It is weird how I am so curious about so many things but I can be sometimes lazy and not have lust for life and be reluctant to go to school. I guess that school could be better, maybe if we actually did something interesting rather than talking about it.

This is something I thought of while writing. In LA we saw the movie of the play "The Death of a Salesman" The main character Willy Loman, he annoyed me so much. I hate how his lips sort of quiver when he is about to speak and he is pretty self centered. I hated how he wanted his son to be a certain way. That's because his whole life, he dreamed of being a popular salesman and having everyone love him and have fame. He dreamed of his son being the same way. I guess he was kind of naive and actually believed a little bit that he was the popular salesman. but when he realized that his son was just not that man, and that he wasnt that man he couldnt take it anymore and killed himself. But anyway, Willy sort of imagined his life different than it really was. I think I do this sometimes and it is terrible. I do it with many instances. I do it with a guy. I imagine he is one of my good friends or something or that we are closer friends than we are and I wish we were but idk. I would like to know him better but he usually doesnt talk that much. I do it with my future life, I imagine my future being awesome having a beach house on an island and having my actualy house be an awesome place in the woods. I imagine traveling all over the world and there are so many places I want to go, but I might be leading myself up for nothing. I guess my case isnt as severe as Willy Lomans, but I do really think i need to stop believing things are different than they really are, that they are the way I want them to be and the way I imagine them. I do it for upcoming events too. I guess this isnt so bad because they are goals in a way, but sometimes I just need to face reality. I wish I could do that better. L,T

World

Everyday I think about the poverty and other problems in the world and how I want to help out and make it stop. I want world peace to an extent. Just now I thought "is it weird to always think about this so much" when it doesn't really apply to my life. I know I think about it everyday, but I don't know if there's really anything I could do about it so it's not worth worrying about. But I know I'll always be worrying about it anyway. I had this thought that maybe I should be nicer to the people I know and love and let them know that I love them in more ways than just worrying about people I don't even know. For all I know, some things could not be true, like poor villages. They could just be making it all up. Well about the wars and shit, when I learn about them in school we just mostly learn the stupid stuff like what happened where, but i wish we learned more about the logic and reasoning for fighting. Most of the time I think that the conflict could be solved in another way or the same way but on a smaller scale of people. Like 3 men fight 3 men and thats that part of it.

All I know is that I want everyone in the world to have an education and not starve and have a place to live. I hate that there are innocent people being killed just because their country is at war. I don't know all of the facts but I just feel so thankful that I have a safe house to sleep in at night.

One thing my friend brought up last night was that people ( including me I realized) seem to worry a lot about poor people in other countries, while disregarding all of the poverty and other problems in America. Maybe I just disregard it subconsciously thinking that "they're in America, just like me, so it's their fault they don't have the life I have". Or just because I truly subconsciously don't actually care. I'm pretty sure I do though. but the point I am trying to make is that